Author's Note: The story is fantasy, but the psychological aspects are true.


Thinking back, I remembered Julia's words when I finally got up the courage to let her in on my deepest hidden secret...my diaper desires and their long history. I had feared my fiancée would storm out and break off our engagement, but I knew I must tell her. Instead of being angry or ridiculing me, she got up, came over to me, drew my head to her midsection and held me close as she showed her concern and understanding.

"Honey," she said, "You've been holding this inside in secret for so many years. I'm not upset, I just feel sorry for all the pain you've felt over all your life. I want to help you with it if you will let me."

Wow, I thought, "Really?" was all I could utter in total disbelief. I had imagined she would reject me...I guess because I felt so badly about myself...because of this hidden thing in my life.

"Of course I'll help you with it," She said with a smile as she hugged me tighter. "I love you. Why wouldn't I do that for you?"

Right after we returned from our honeymoon, she got me some disposable diapers and told me to begin wearing them on the weekends and at night. Since I wasn't a bed wetter, I was always dry in the mornings.

This became our diaper routine up until now.

Now, after seven years of marriage, as a party in a class action lawsuit which our side won, we were going to receive a settlement resulting in enough money for early retirement.

Julia, apparently because of this, changed the routine recently. Because I was still dry in the mornings, she told me I wasn't to take off dry diapers any more. She asked me to make sure I wet them in the mornings before I took them off. I complied but felt guilty every time I was doing it. Why the guilt? I didn't know but I told her about it.

I had all but forgotten visiting a psychologist about my diaper desires years earlier. It was at this point I remembered he had given me a copy of his analysis. Looking in some old files, I found it and gave it to Julia. She had engrossed herself in it and online study.

After her study, she told me she was going to do some updated therapy with my diapers. She began purchasing things. She didn't tell me what she was getting and kept them locked in the guest room closet. When curiosity got the best of me, I enquired about her preparations but she just smiled, hugged and kissed me. "You'll find out soon enough...just wait 'til we receive the settlement and retire. I'm sure you will be very pleased with my surprise."

A few days later, I came home from work to find she had hung a yellow rubber panty on the pull of my underwear drawer.

"What's this," I asked with excitement as I felt the soft smoothness of the rubber.

"I hung that there to remind you every time you see it, that soon, when you retire, that will be your reward. You get to have me put those on you every day...along with diapers OF COURSE!"

'Everyday? Wow!' I thought. 'Daytime too.'

The day finally arrived. The check came at work by special currier. I called Julia immediately, finished my day at work and brought the box of things from my desk at work. Retirement at last.

Walking in the door, Julia ran to me and kissed me. Taking the box out of my arms and setting aside, she took my hand and led me into the bedroom.

"Shower and get dressed," she said, "We're going to celebrate. I've got the whole evening planned."

Then she added, "I've laid out a diaper for you to wear for underwear tonight."

After the steaks and wine, we took in a movie. I needed to relieve myself during the film but Julia stopped me.

"No dice, Hon," she whispered, as she grabbed my arm. "Use the diaper...that's what it's for."

At home again she prepared for my first night of retirement while I watched the late news.

"Come on in and get ready for bed," she called out. There on the bed was a large cloth diaper ready to be worn. The promised yellow rubber panty was laid out next to it.

Once she had stripped me and had me lie on the diaper, I got my first surprise. She shaved my pubic hair. Then she pinned me tight.

"Raise up," she ordered as she slipped the rubber panty over it. "Honey, I told you I would help you and now we're officially into it. I studied a lot about the guilt you were feeling and found the answer in the doctor's notes and online. I know how to take away your guilt and we will see to that right away."

She continued as she went to her drawer and pulled out a sack.

"The guilt comes from your being able to stop the situation. If you don't have a choice, you won't have guilt...at least that's what the psychologists all say."

"No choice?"

"Right. If you can't take them off, you won't feel guilty about using them. And, of course, you need to get used to them as well."

"So...you are going to make me wear them?" I asked expectantly, knowing that was, of course, what I secretly wanted anyway. Things had really just been voluntary up to now.

"Of course!" she said echoing my thoughts. "I'm going to see you that you leave them on and put them to good use. From now on, you don't have any choice in the matter." She paused and smiled as she added, "I control you now."

Her smile got bigger as she pulled a canvass looking panty out of the sack and pulled it over the rubber panty. Pulling the waist band tight, she put a round locking disk through holes in the band. There were thigh bands too and she locked them as well. Some shiny ankle cuffs came next.

"There, now you can't remove your diapers. And, with these locking your ankles together, you won't be able to put pants on either. This way you'll see them whenever you look down and, since you can't do anything to change the situation, you won't feel guilty about having the diaper show."

I awoke early and dry as usual. I went to my computer to check emails. Julia was up and busy in the kitchen. Sitting at the computer, pressure grew inside me, I left my daydreams and my online work and went to find Julia.

"Sweetheart," I said, "I'm going to have to initiate this diaper very soon."

"Good," she replied with a smile. "This will be the first time in your new therapy. I'll kiss you when you do."

"There it happened. I just wet myself."

Her hand dropped to feel the front of the diaper while embracing and kissing passionately.

"Will you unlock me so I can change it?"

"Oh no," she responded. "That diaper should hold a lot more. First off, I will do all your wet changes. Secondly, we'll have to see how much you wet to be sure, but my tentative plan is to change you probably just 4 times a day."

"Wet changes...?" I hadn't thought about dirty diapers. Oh yes, there was always the thought in the back of my mind, but it was not really part of my diaper desires.

"Of course, you will also have dirty diapers too," she said seemingly reading my mind. "You will get to go to the shower and clean yourself after those."

"Couldn't we just have the diapers for wetting?" I asked with reluctance.

She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Hon, your diaper program is not selective. Your doctor said the desires went all the way back to infancy. Infants don't just wet. You won't either. That's just part of your new lifestyle. That's it...end of discussion!"

Suddenly she sounded very assertive and matter of fact. That frightened me a bit.

"You said new lifestyle...How long will we be doing this?" I know my voice showed I was suddenly uncomfortable.

Julia sensed my feelings immediately and came over and hugged me reassuringly.

"I didn't mean to sound harsh, but the doctors say this guilt thing is a major problem if people want to get rid of something in their life. This is why I'm taking charge. If I didn't you would feel guilty and quit. We'll take you to what they call extinction and then I'll give you a choice. At that time you can either choose to quit or continue. It will be your choice and I will support whichever you choose. Don't think this will ever drive me away from you. I love you too much for that. I vowed 'til death do us part' and that's what I mean."

"Thank you so much...I love you too," I said with a tear in my eye. "What is this extinction thing?"

"The way I understand it, that simply means the person says, 'I've had enough.' If it doesn't last past that point, then it will continue to come back."

"Ok, I think I understand," I replied. "So you plan to keep me diapered until I get tired of them."

"They explain extinction goes the step beyond your getting tired of them."

"How can we tell when I'm there?"

"We're going to keep you diapered until you lose your control like you were when this whole thing apparently started. Then I'll potty train you again. If you don't want that, you can just stay in them. That will be your choice then, or...maybe mine."

I was dumbfounded. I had always thought of a day or two of diapers but this was a serious program. I looked down at the locked institutional over-panty and the ankle cuffs.

She smiled as she watched me. "Yes, you are going to be locked in them for a while...no guilt remember."

"No pants either?" It was more of a whine than a question.

"Sorry Hon, I need to have easy access for your changes. Besides you need to be able to see them whenever you look down. I will give you a short skirt to wear over them if that would make you feel better, but I'll want to put a few mirrors at floor level so you'll be able to see them even when they are covered that way. Want to try that?"

"I guess," I replied thinking at least I would have a bit of modesty.

That's how it began. Extinction...I wonder if I'll ever get out of them. But then, that's what comes with diaper desires...oops I just wet again. Oh well....