Author's Note: This is not fiction. It is true.

This is the third part in my Real Life Restraint series where I recount some of my own experiences. Search my name to read the others. This one is about my first affair. The ladies name and some details have been changed in case someone who knows her reads it. But it is a true account in every way that matters.

I like to get comments and emails about my writing, so feel free to contact me.


Time: September 2002
Place: A large town in Australia
Event: My first infidelity

My wife and I had recently moved to a new country. We didn't have many friends and frankly I didn't feel as if I was fitting in to the new culture. We were arguing a lot. She was angry with me more often than she was wasn't. My sex life had deteriorated to hiding in my basement office masturbating to BDSM websites. I had been through some black times in my life, this wasn't the worst, but if things didn't look up soon, it was going to be.

I was bored and horny. So I started searching through sex dating and BDSM contacts websites. I wanted to place an advert. Not necessarily to meet anyone but just to get email from a woman who liked BDSM and would talk to me about it. My wife was not interested and we had been married for seven years. I was really missing it. Who would have guessed the seven year itch was real?

Most of the sites charged to place an advert. Normally I wouldn't have objected to that but I wasn't going to type in the credit card number of our joint account and end up with a very difficult question to answer when my wife opened the bill. So I looked for free websites. I found one based in another country but it had a few ads from people in mine.

I entered my town name for the location and put in an advert which read something like-

Dominant male. Into BDSM. Married. 35yrs old. Looking to meet a submissive female for casual relationship. Age, marital status etc are unimportant. Discretion is crucial.

I had never placed an advert for myself before so kept it short. I made sure everyone reading knew I was married so there would be no surprises for anyone. I thought it was a waste of time but the feeling of being able to make the choice if I wanted to put myself on the market or not was comforting during periods of marital stress. However, I was astonished to receive two replies from local women. I met them both. But this story is about only one.

Thinking back now I am disgusted with myself for what I did. My marriage is good now. Well... as good as anyone's can be I guess. I would never think of placing an advert looking for sex on a website now. And I would have been horrified to find out my wife was looking to meet other men. But back then the double standard seemed justified. I was in a bad place and needed to have female friends. I will always hate myself for what I did. But, I did it. And I am so glad I was never found out.

One morning I checked my secret anonymous email account and there was an email from someone called Tanya. It was businesslike and she stated her position quite directly. She said she had read my advert and that she was 27 years old, lived in the same town I did, liked BDSM, was submissive in character and hoped I would like to reply to her. She also said she was 5'5" slim and brunette.

I replied immediately thanking her for the email and told her a little about myself and my situation. I didn't get a reply back and after a few days I thought that was the end of it. But four days later there was another email from Tanya. She explained that she had replied to my advert after she had consumed almost an entire bottle of wine and would never have had the courage to do so normally. But she thought I sounded nice so wanted to email again. This started a regular email exchange where we each received and sent two mails a day, morning and night. Sometimes more if we were both online at the same time. As the weeks went by she told me how she had run away from home when she was 17 and went to the city where she worked as a prostitute for a year. She returned home to marry a religious man and had a child. The marriage broke up badly and she was left with a large debt. So she went back to the city and her old job to make the money to clear her financial problems and was now living alone with her 4 year old daughter. She had a boyfriend who wanted to marry her but she was bored with him as he worked away a lot of the time and the only kinky thing he would do was spank her, and she wanted more.

She said "I want more". I wished I had known exactly what she meant. I told her about my wife and how I had experience of BDSM before I was with her, but hadn't done anything since. I gave her a rough outline of what I had done with submissive girls previous to my marriage and gently pushed her to find out what she had done. I really didn't need to hint towards anything with Tanya. It turned out she was refreshingly open and frank about her experiences. She said she was very submissive and would do anything. As an example she told me of one man she had been with who had tied her up in a bathtub full of water. He held her completely under the water until she started to pass out then pulled her head up for air for a few moments then put her back under. Fucking her while he was doing this. I was quite shocked to read this but she didn't really seem worried that she could have died. She knew that she was in his control and didn't have a choice. This story confirmed to me that she wasn't just submissive, she was very submissive.

I sent her one of those BDSM checklists. The ones with about 150 fetish and sex activities listed with columns to tick off if you have done them and if you'd do it again. Or if you haven't done them and would like to. Tanya ticked off a lot of activities as done. I did the checklist as well and put my results beside hers. It's fair to say we were perversionally compatible.

She asked where I lived and I told her the rough area. She replied saying, "that's where I live" and gave me her address. It turned out she lived in the next street. If I walked to one corner of my front garden and looked down the street, I could see the back of her house. What were the chances of placing an advert in a website run in a country 9000 miles away and end up talking to a girl 150 yards away?

Our conversations moved from the past to the future and Tanya asked if I would dominate her. I wasn't completely sure what she meant by that, but of course I agreed. She wanted to meet me. It was dark and pouring with rain but she wanted us to meet in the park near our houses. She thought that would be an erotic way to encounter each other for the first time. I told her I couldn't as my wife was home. She mailed back insisting we did. I said I couldn't. She said she was going to go to the park to wait. I replied with a firm "NO". There were no more emails. I thought that may have marked the end of our email relationship. It was a nice fantasy, but it ended. That's what web fantasies tend to do.

I was very worried when I went to bed that night. She had worked out where I lived and wasn't showing much control or consideration for my privacy. I hoped she wouldn't do anything stupid. I'd probably never hear from her again. And that might be for the best.

Next morning there was mail from Tanya. She was very apologetic about her behaviour the previous evening. She had drunk another bottle of wine and had been quite silly. She apologised over and over and hoped I could forgive her. She sounded upset about it. Or as upset as it's possible to sound in an email. I replied suggesting that we meet the following Monday as I had a day off work. She agreed.

I wanted us to meet in a public place, but not out in the open in case I was seen by someone who knew me. I suggested we meet on a beach behind a surfers bar. There would be people there so Tanya would feel safe, but nobody who would know me or my wife. I was nervous and arrived too early. So I sat on the bank and watched the waves roll in. In the corner of my eye I saw someone walk up. By the time I turned to look she was there. She was skinny rather than slim. She was dressed in loose fitting pants and a brown lace top which looked very dated for someone her age. I felt she was trying to look sophisticated but had missed the mark. She had shoulder length dark hair which was tousled. Either tousled or just plain messy, I couldn't decide. She was not attractive. There was nothing wrong with her. But she was quite unremarkable. She had a very small mouth, with misaligned front teeth. And had bags under her eyes which seemed unfair for someone in their twenties.

"You must be Todd" she correctly surmised. I went to speak but found that my experience of life had not taught me the best greeting for a girl who wanted to be dominated by a stranger.

"Tanya..." I paused and looked dumb for a moment then felt my eyes were scanning up and down her body a little too obviously. "It's great to meet you". She smiled.

We sat on the grass and talked while watching the surfers. We talked about her job in a book shop. About her daughter. About the town we lived in. About the town I used to live in. Then she said the sun was getting to hot and she didn't want to burn so could we go somewhere else. I suggested we go into the bar.

She was shocked. "Is that OK? I mean... someone might recognise you"

I had looked through the bar door when we arrived. It was mid morning and the place was deserted. Surfers surf in the morning and drink in the evening. We sat in a corner outside under a palm tree. I bought a coke but all she wanted was a glass of iced water. We talked some more. It was starting to become hard work. She wasn't very bright and some of her views left me confused about how to answer. If she hadn't asked me to dominate her, I would have made polite excuses, left and hoped I never ended up stuck in conversation with her again.

So I decided to make my move and see if this was going anywhere. I needed to know what she meant by the term dominate. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. Talking to a woman I had met two hours ago and didn't particularly like about how exactly she wanted me to fuck her was a little more difficult than I had imagined. So I tried again. "When you say dominate, do you want to be ordered to do things or do you prefer to be tied up so you don't have a choice?"

She replied as if I had asked her if she liked milk in her coffee. "Both. I don't really mind. Which do you prefer?"

"I like both too" I replied. "But I prefer to tie girls up."

She nodded as she sucked her water through a straw.

"So..." I was struggling again. "em... so... do you want to do this? Do you want me to... dominate... you?"

"Yes. I'd like you to." She said with casual confidence.

"When?" I asked, and then added "I'm free this afternoon."

"No not today. I have to pick up my daughter. We'll make a date by email."

I agreed and then she said she had to go and we both stood up said goodbye and left. It seemed odd to me that two people who would have sex the next time they met walked out of a bar without touching each other. No kiss or even shaking hands. I watched Tanya walk away and realised that to her sex was a hobby. She had worked as a prostitute and had sex with strangers every day. Giving herself to a man for sex didn't have to show any kind of commitment. Up until now all the girls I had shared sex with, even the ones I had treated very badly due to my sadistic character, were in a relationship with me. I had never slept around. I had a couple of very short relationships when I was 17 or 18 years old which resulted in sex only once, but it was still a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It wasn't a one night stand. I was in unfamiliar territory with Tanya.

She got into a big expensive car and drove off. I returned to my battered pickup truck which I had hidden behind the bar. I had a big grin on my face. I liked the fact that I didn't like her very much. I liked that she wasn't attractive. I would never have any emotional connection with her. This experience was going to be entirely about the sex and nothing else. Life was looking up.

By email we arranged to meet in two weeks, the next time I had a day off work. Tanya asked where we were going to do it. I told her it would have to be at her house. She wasn't really keen on that but our options were her house, my house, a motel or find an isolated valley out in the rain forest. The forest was not a completely unrealistic option as it was dense and vast and nobody would discover us. My house was not an option as the neighbours would see her arrive and leave. A motel was out as I didn't want to pay for it and we would have to drive for an hour to the next town to ensure we weren't seen. She agreed that her house was the best option.

Tanya suggested that when we met we should adopt the role of dominant and submissive right from the first moment. We shouldn't meet on equal terms and talk like we had at the beach. She should be under my control as soon as we met. I added that I should leave the same way. No pleasantries. Just walk out.

The day before our planned meeting I got an email from Tanya. She was starting to get nervous. She was worried she wouldn't be good at it. She was worried she would be disappointing. I reassured her and explained that I would be in control so if anything wasn't right it would be my fault and she wasn't to worry about anything. But I was worried I would turn up for our meeting and she would not be there. I didn't sleep much that night wondering about what would happen the next day.

When the day arrived I packed a few things in a bag and waited for my wife to leave for work. I walked to Tanya's house, checked nobody was watching and knocked on the front door. For a few long moments I wondered if the whole plan would come crashing down and I would be walking home soon. But the latch clicked and the door opened. She was wearing jeans and a blue T shirt. I thought she should have worn that when we met at the beach as she looked much better now. She didn't say anything so I walked in and locked the door behind me. She stood in front of me but looked at the floor. I walked into the room. Her house was small but it was modern and fashionably decorated. Tanya stayed next to the door. She was waiting for me to tell her what to do.

"Take your clothes off" I ordered and watched as she obeyed. She was skinny. I could see her pelvis under her flesh. Her crotch was shaven. She had small tits but big chunky nipples which looked out of place on such a small frame. I took four canvas straps from my bag. They were one inch wide luggage straps for securing your suitcase lid shut. I had bought them just for Tanya. I tied one tightly round each of her wrists leaving the remainder hanging on the floor.

In the middle of the room was a black wooden coffee table. I led Tanya by her wrist straps to the table and pushed her down to her knees and then forward over the table so she was lying face down on it. I tied her wrists to the legs at one end then tied her thighs to the legs at the other. She was now part of the table.

I pulled my trousers off and let my cock spring free from confinement. I put on a condom and poured lubricant over it. Spreading it up and down then wiping my hands on a tea towel I found in the kitchen. Tanya didn't look at me. She stared straight into the table waiting patiently. I pulled her buttocks apart and put the tip of my penis on the button of gnarled flesh that marked the entrance and pushed my length inside her rectum.

Tanya didn't react to anal penetration in the way other girls I had known. She remained completely still and made only one muffled mmmph sound as I opened her up. After that she was quiet and still just as she had been previously. It was very obvious I was not the first man to travel this path. Not by a long way.

But even if Tanya had made anal penetration a regular pastime, I had not done it for ten years. I almost swooned with pleasure when I felt her muscle grip my shaft. I was in heaven. Whatever else was going wrong with my life I was now in the one place I longed to be. Up a helpless young girls arse. How can one single muscle which performs such a rudimentary function give a man so much pleasure?

The table was very low. Less than a foot from the floor. I was leaning on the table top at both sides of Tanya's chest and crouching down to maintain my crotch at the correct level for a perfectly smooth in and out motion. I must have looked to be in the same position as a dog taking a shit. But I didn't care if I looked comical as there was nobody there to see. And I was consumed in the very selfish pleasure of using Tanya's back passage to slowly milk my cock.

I don't know how long I slowly stroked myself in and out of her arse. My legs became quite sore and started to tingle so I had to straighten them out behind me making me look like I was doing press ups. I periodically changed between these two positions to take the stress off my legs and let the blood flow in them. Until I could resist it no longer and started to bang into her as hard and fast as I could. My hips slapped loudly against Tanya's bottom again and again until I released my load into the condom. I was exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. My balls felt empty but my soul felt full again. I was a man once more.

I fell back and sat on the floor breathing heavily. I was damp with sweat. I looked at Tanya and saw something I had never seen before. Her arse hadn't shut. It was still a little open and I could see inside her. I had never seen that in any other girls I had buggered. Maybe I had just never been looking from the right angle. Or maybe Tanya's arse was slacker than the others. The previous girls were all fairly new to anal penetration when I was inside them. I watched as her hole pulsed slightly as it slowly retracted. I wasn't worried. If she shit herself, it was her carpet.

This was a momentous occasion for me. But Tanya had not given any indication of being involved before, during or after. She still lay perfectly still and silent. I went through to the kitchen, pulled off the squelching condom and dropped it in the bin. I went to her bedroom and started looking for her goodie drawer. Every person I know who is active in any kind of fetish based sex has a goodie drawer. A secret place where all the toys, restraints and magazines are kept. There was a vibrator in the bedside drawer but every single girl has one of those. I found it in the wardrobe on a high shelf. I laid everything out on the bed to study it. A leather collar and matching wrist and ankle manacles. I would have used those if I had known they were here. Black latex hot pants and halter top. Three dildos, two vibrators, a set of nipple clamps and a pair of clip on pussy cat ears (I quite liked those). And... oh horror of horrors... pink fluffy hand cuffs. I hoped they had been a joke gift.

I pulled an arm chair up to the coffee table so it was in front of Tanya's head. I sat with a leg either side of the table. I pulled her head back by her hair and put my cock in her mouth then slid forward so she couldn't pull back off it. I closed my thighs in on her head so she couldn't move it sideways and put my feet on her back. On her own initiative she started to slide her lips up and down me.

She sucked well and for a long time without tiring. But it was clear that although this drool dripping knob massage was extremely nice, it was not going to make me cum. So I put my hand between my belly and her face and put one finger and thumb around my shaft and started to slowly wank myself off. I had to be very careful that I didn't accidentally punch Tanya in the face. She kept sucking but stopped sliding up and down so I had space to wank.

It took a while to bring myself near orgasm. I was going slowly so I didn't knock Tanya's mouth off me. I slowly worked up to the brink and receded several times. My knob tingled and throbbed so much I squirmed in my seat. Each time I worked up to the edge of the vinegar stroke it got more intense. My whole body ached to cum. Then the next time it didn't recede and I shot so hard I could almost hear it. It was so intense I cried out as it released. Tanya drank every drop and as I pulled out of her mouth she looked back down at the table and resumed her position. I was so weak at the knees I couldn't stand up.

I am a complete wanker. I masturbate several times a day. I started when I was 12 and now I am in my late 40s I estimate I have brought myself to orgasm about 30,000 times. That's enough ejaculate to fill two fifty gallon oil drums. So I know a thing or two about wanking. I know it's much more fun if I am not alone. Whether my friend does it for me, or just watches, I cum with much more force when accompanied than if it's a casual lonely wank. But to wank when my friend is tied with her mouth stuck round my cock. That is the best wank I have ever had.

I had found a leather belt in her bedroom. It was long and about ¾ of an inch wide. I stood over Tanya with it.

I spoke to her for the second and final time of the day. "You said you wanted more than spanking. Well this is it."

I whipped her across the arse with the belt. Again she didn't move. She gave a quick shocked noise. It was more of a sudden inhalation. But at least it proved I had done something that she couldn't ignore. I strapped her across her arse and back for a while. Her breath was steady but deeper than before, otherwise there was no reaction. I didn't want to mark her so I didn't go too far. When she was an even red colour across her skin I stopped and put the belt back. I felt admiration for Tanya. She was a very good submissive.

I untied her and told her to stand up in the middle of the room. She had been on the table for about two hours and had red lines in her flesh where her arms had been resting on the corner of the table. She looked at the floor and said nothing.

I was erect again but I didn't know how many more times I could perform in one session. I put on another condom and lubricated it. I led Tanya to her bed, pushed her onto it, climbed on and fucked her. This time regular missionary position without restraints. I don't know if this is what Tanya was expecting me to do. Probably not. But I was in charge and I wanted to fuck her so she spread her legs for me.

This time I got a reaction from her. She came to shuddering gasping orgasm two times. When I was done I climbed off her, disposed of my condom, put my trousers back on, picked up my bag and left the house.

I was walking on air on my way home. I had done one of my life's ambitions that I had given up on ever achieving. Cum in all three holes in one girl in one day. If the guys from the lottery had arrived with a van load of cash I could not have been happier. I had been at Tanya's for about three hours and still had the afternoon free. So I went to the pub and had a beer.

Later that evening I sent an email asking if she had enjoyed my visit. A reply said she had enjoyed it a lot. In fact the word she used was - fantastic. We made the arrangement that I would visit once a month on my roster day off for at least a few hours of dom/sub play. I got the impression that Tanya had done a lot more extreme activities with other men and what I had done may have been tame by comparison. But that wasn't a problem. I would build up to more extreme as I got to know her limits. No point in charging at this like a bull in a china shop. I would rather do the job properly.

But then the emails stopped. I sent a few but there was no reply. Weeks went past and I got nothing. I walked past her house trying to get a look in the windows to see if she was there but I never saw her. The date we had made for my second visit arrived and I still hadn't heard from her. I spent most of the morning in the basement wanking thinking about what I had done a month before.

So I sent an email telling her I understood if she didn't want to see me again, but after what we had done I felt it would be reasonable to ask for a few words of explanation. I got a reply. Tanya told me that her boyfriend worked in IT and had put a program on her computer which sent him a copy of every email she sent. So he knew all about us. He arrived back and challenged Tanya about it and there was a huge row, him angry at Tanya's infidelity, Tanya angry about him spying. But they had sorted it out and he had agreed to enslave her sexually and stay out of her private communications, if she remains faithful to him. She added that they had written this email together and there would be no more after this one. I replied thanking them for letting me know, that I had never intended to cause any problems between them and I hoped everything worked out well for them both. And that was the end of our brief affair.

I saw Tanya only one more time. About a year later I was in a tradesman's equipment supply store. I looked up and Tanya was stacking shelves. She had longer hair now, which suited her. We stood about ten feet apart both staring at each other for a few long moments. Then she turned and walked away. A while later I met a bloke who worked in the same shop. I asked him if he worked with a girl called Tanya and he said he didn't any more as she had moved to another state with her boyfriend and was planning to get married.

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. And we burned so very brightly.

Over ten years later I still think of her and her coffee table when I wank in the basement.