After months of searching online for a partner in BDSM, I gave up. I tried all major adult sites and even Chinese ones, exchanged emails and chatted with some of the members, but none I met was serious about leading me in BDSM, and none was interested in developing a viable relationship. All they ever do was requesting to see my boobs, or me to masturbate on webcam and all kind of selfish and ridiculous requests. They were all so indulged in their own fantasy that none really cared about how I feel.

I guess it's not that easy to find a man who truly loves BDSM and not just eager to get into my pants.

Having resigned to the fact that it's a futile hunt, I ordered new items online for self bondage. On impulse, I bought a lockable chastity belt, a 7 inch realistic dildo (gosh, it's huge!), a 5 inch realistic dildo, a miniature wireless vibrating bullet and a collar!

The package took forever to arrive, when it finally did, I had to use all my self control and determination to stop myself from using them. I packed them away neatly into my closet and planned for a good day for my self bondage. I picked a Friday night, and took the day off for that day so that I can have more rest. One of my fantasy was to be tied up in the woods and having to walk out in bondage into the open to free myself. Thanks to Google map, I finally found a good spot for my session, a park in a upscale private estate at the foot of Bukit Timah Hill. The tiny park has a few benches, an old swing, and is generally deserted, but the best part is it borders the forested foot of the hill.

The plan is to reach the park around 3pm, to avoid the evening joggers, then bond myself in the forested area, and I could only come out back into the park in the dark in my full bondage for release. I estimated that I would probably be in bondage for at least 8 hours.

Friday came. I woke up a little later than usual because I knew that I will need all the rest I can get for the harsh session. I wore a pair of old panties and picked a sundress. I had wanted to go bare foot, but on second thoughts I decided to play safe as I didn't want any cuts to my soles, so I wore a pair of slip-ons. After double checking that I had all the equipments I need in my shoulder bag, I headed for the mailing box. I dropped in 2 envelopes addressed to myself. Both envelopes contained a key for my chastity belt. I figured that there was no chance that both would fail to reach me. According to Singapore's mailing time, I should be getting the keys by tomorrow.

The location I chose wasn't too far from home, so I decided to walk there instead. I had deliberately not brought along any cash, watch or handphone, just to make it more physically and mentally challenging for myself.

After about an hour or so, I reached the destination.

I sat down on a bench about 20 meters from the forested area. I scanned around quickly to access the area. There was only an old man taking a stroll and a schoolgirl on her way home. I figured that once the old man passed by me, it would be my best opportunity, any later, I might meet the jogging crowd and the plan would have to be cancelled. Taking another look around, I quickly duct taped the key to a padlock underneath the bench. I got up from the bench and made my way to the forested area. Looking around to make double sure that no one was looking, I made my way hastily into the forested area.

The forested area was much denser than I had expected. It took me some effort to make my way past all the tree branches and undergrowth. I was barely about 3 meters in and I couldn't see the park already. I wanted to go deeper into the forested area because I'm a loud moaner and I was afraid to let any passerby hear me, but the sadist in me would have none of it, I was to start my self bondage in the little clearing on my right. The clearing was only about a foot wide, but enough for me to stand.

Looking around again, to make sure that I was completely hidden from view, I took off my sundress and panties. Standing in the forested area naked with only my shoes on, I put on the collar. I figured that if I couldn't find anyone to collar me, I'll just have to collar myself.

Next, I stuffed my panties into my mouth. I've never enjoyed doing that. I've always thought that it tasted funny and was really disgusting, but heck, part of my fantasy is to do things that I don't want to do! After much effort, I got the panties gagged in my mouth. I tore a few pieces of industrial strength duct tape and placed them over my mouth, effectively shutting my mouth tight. No matter how much I try to fight it, the industrial strength duct tape's too sticky and strong, I couldn't open my mouth at all.

I lubed the 5 inch dildo and slid it into my anus with some effort. Luckily for me, it was rather slim, about an inch in diameter. Next, I held in my hand the 7 inch dildo. It wasn't just long, it was thick, about 2 inch in diameter. Looking at it is enough to bring fear to me. I've never stuck something this long and thick in me before, I don't even know if I can take it all the way in. Lubing it up well, I push the tip against my vagina, trying to force it in, but it refused to bulge. After some futile attempts, I took a deep breath and plunge it in with all my strength and courage. I felt the dildo totally ripping me apart, setting my vagina on fire as it forced itself into me. About half way in, I was already biting down hard on my panties and screaming into the duct tape. Tears started flowing freely as my hand took a life of its own and savagely pushed the rest of the dildo in.

I've never felt this full in my life. If the dildo had been a millimeter longer, I'm sure I would have ripped a hole inside me. Every single movement would remind me of the gigantic dildo I placed in myself.

Then, I duct taped the miniature vibrating bullet onto my clitoris, before wearing the chastity belt. Once everything is adjusted properly, I locked it up for good. Now my release from the belt would have to wait for the envelopes to arrive.

I took my handcuffs and lock them onto a D ring at the back of the belt, then I bent over gingerly, trying not to move the dildo inside too much, to tie my ankles together, making sure I left an easy knot to undo at the back of my ankles. I took out the final piece of equipment I prepared beforehand, a pair of clover clamps with strings attached to the end and tied together in a Y shape, and a blindfold attached to the clamps separately by another string. With that in hand, I dumped my sundress and handcuff keys into the bag and switched on the controller for the miniature bullet before dumping it in as well and locking the bag up. The only way I could unlock the bag now, was to get the key I taped to the bench.

Although I had the clover clamps on so many times before, each time still made me nervous. I carefully clamped them over my protruding nipples and threw string at the end over the nearest branch overhead. After pulling my nipples taut, I tied the end back to the clamps, then I hurriedly blindfolded myself, and handcuffed my hands behind me.

Now I was truly trapped.

The only way I could get free was to bend my knees and pull the clamps off my nipples, and pull harder some more to get the blindfold off. Even then, I still had to untie my ankles and run out into the open to get my keys for the bag.

All these thoughts are starting to frighten me, and just as I was about to lose my cool, the pain in my nipples kick in, the vibration on my clitoris suddenly felt strong, and the enormous dildo was making its presence felt with every small movement I make. All these sensations kicked in at the same time and the familiar feeling of being helpless washed over me, sending me into the first orgasm.

I tried my best not to moan out loud by biting onto my panties gag, but that only made me cum harder.

I tried my best not to move my hips because moving my hips would thrust the dildo around inside me, but that only made me cum harder.

I tried my best not to bend my body and pull on my already taut nipples when in orgasm, but that only made me cum harder.

I tried my best to be quiet and still, I tried my best to watch out for anyone coming or passing by, but my blindfold was on, and that made me cum hardest.

If there was a single piece of equipment on me that made me most helpless and vulnerable, it had got to be the blindfold.

I was once again trapped in my devised endless cycle of pain and pleasure. One moment I was trying to stand still and be quiet, and the every next I would be wriggling in self imposed bondage and fighting an orgasm. The dildo was fucking me so well that I felt my love juices flowing out between my thighs.

Just as I was about to give up fighting the orgasms and submitting totally to it, the vibrator stopped. It must have run out of batteries. I took a minute to breathe before trying to release myself. I bent my knees slowly, as much as I could, before the pain in my nipples sent me standing straight up again. I knew that the longer those clamps bite down on my nipples, the more harmful it was to my nipples, but I also knew that I would need a tremendous amount of courage to pull them off my nipples.

I ended up trying to yank them off by bending my knees at least a hundred times, but I chickened out every single time.

My body was incredibly drained and I knew I don't have much energy left in me. I must have been here for more than 4 hours already. So I told myself to give it one last shot. With tears in my eyes, I took a deep long breath, and I fell hard on my knees, successfully tearing the clamps off my nipples. Just as I thought I've felt the greatest pain in my life, a split second later, as my knees crashed into the ground, my butt followed behind and bumped really hard into the ground, pushing the dildos sharply and painfully into me.

What happened next was completely unfamiliar and surreal to me. Just as I thought I felt someone sliced off my nipples and fired a piston up my vagina, an orgasm swept past me. I've had orgasms from clitoris stimulation, and rare ones from only vagina penetrations, but never had I had an orgasm from pain. It was an amazing orgasm which completely numbed my body.

I laid among the vegetation wasted.

With the blindfold pulled off when I fell, I struggled back onto my knees and untied my ankles. I got up to my feet and walked carefully and slowly towards the edge of the park.

I had no idea what time it was, but having been through so many orgasms, I wasn't thinking straight. Without even double checking for passerby, I jogged to the bench with the key. I must have been quite a sight, collared, handcuffed, with a chastity belt and my breasts were bouncing up and around as I jogged. I squatted down and reached for the key, before jogging back into the forested area for my bag.

I unlocked my handcuffs and removed the collar. I did not realized how dry my mouth was until I removed the gag. With the belt still on, I slipped on the sundress and made a bee line for home.

It was 1am when I reached home and I was so exhausted that I simply collapsed on the floor in my room and fell asleep. Next morning, when I woke up, my whole body was sore, especially my privates. I could hardly stand up because it was hurting so much, and I had to wait till afternoon before the keys arrived. Once the keys arrived, I unlocked the belt and pulled out the dildos. To my surprise, the huge one was still very wet.

Looks like I've found the lifestyle I want.