Self bondage can be addictive, or so I am told. I have been experimenting for several months now and generally laugh at the documented misfortunes of others; perhaps not a good idea as God, fate or what ever will usually pay you back.

I had set a time and date in my head which had had to be changed several times due to my family not being where they should have been. After reading quite a few stories I "borrowed" pieces from some and planned my session. Working on the 5 "P" principles, Poor Planning makes for Piss Poor Performance I tried each piece of equipment, modifying their use as I went along.

The date arrived and after ensuring the family were away and the doors locked I started. I laid out all my "toys" on the bedroom floor. The first task, after removing my trousers was to apply some KY to a cold peeled banana and push it into my rectum. I had experimented with butt plugs before but never fruit. It slipped in easily although my sphincter tried to expel it at every opportunity. Once in and the sphincter closed the sensation felt quite strange, my bowel felt cold and full. I then inserted a variable vibrating butt plug covered with a peppermint flavoured condom which gave another sensation. Although it was in place my sphincter kept trying to expel it, perhaps my bum hole is larger that I like to think. Once in I taped on a medium size Depends diaper and a pair of plastic pants. Well I didn't want any accidents on the carpet. Checking that the butt plug vibrated I turned it off and put my trousers back on.

I didn't want to be able to slip out of the diaper so I threaded one of my chains through the belt loops, down between my legs and used a small padlock to hold it in place. The chain felt tight but I wasn't able to slip it over my hips and it also gave the butt plug some support. I could feel my bowels trying to expel the banana and butt plug but so far everything remained in position.

Next I took two heavy dog choke chains and slipped one on each ankle pulling each one tight and attaching another padlock to the chain and a spreader bar. With the spreader bar in place I found it even more difficult not to "push". Resting on my knees I used another padlock to attach the leg chains to my chain belt, in addition I used the remaining chain from between my legs to loop round the middle of the spreader bar and lock it securely to the chain belt.

Resting on my knees became rather painful but I didn't want to lie down just yet. I buckled a ball gag in place, I don't know why really as I'm not very comfortable wearing them, but perhaps that was the attraction. Even though I had only just put it in my jaw started to ache, all psychological I'm sure. After this I put on a light weight eye mask and then a leather hood which laced up at the rear which also had a buckle to further hold it in place. I had intended to add another small padlock, pushing it through the eyelets but changed my mind at the last minute. I keep telling myself that it was because I couldn't feed it through the eyelets but it truth I chickened out. Groping around a located two scarves, one of which I tied over the existing eye mask and hood to ensure a total blackout and the second to push the ball gag further into my mouth.

With all this accomplished I turned the vibrating butt plug onto auto which gave a random sequence of vibrations, the control unit I slipped into my trouser pocket.

The final piece was to put my adjustable Darby handcuffs on behind my back. This was easier said that done, the first wrist was easy but the second took a while trying to hold the cuff in place whist turning the key to lock it. This accomplished I fumbled and dropped the key. I had intended to use an extending key chain attached to the door and when released would "fly away" leaving me to struggle to retrieve it but again I changed my mind.

At this point the stupidity of my situation struck home, I couldn't find the handcuff key, which if anyone knows about the Darby cuffs they usually only come with a single key, no get out clause if it gets lost. Rolling onto my back, stupid thing to do I tried to locate the key but all I did was to nearly choke as I couldn't swallow. I rolled with a great deal of difficulty onto my front and although I still couldn't swallow I could at leas drool forwards. I still couldn't find the key so had to locate the small padlock keys. I had eight separate keys scattered on the floor but a complete set on a key ring which luckily I found first. Selecting the correct key behind your back and in the dark isn't easy especially when they are small, your fingers start to become numb and panic sets in; but that is part of the fun except for panicking at not being able to find the Darby key, and to make matters worse I couldn't reach the hood to take it off and remove the blindfold. I eventually managed to release the ankle locks and lay with my head forward drooling on the carpet. My anus wanted to push and trying not to crap myself was difficult, multitasking isn't one of my strong points which my wife will readily agree.

With my ankles free of the chains and the spreader bar I tried to reach the buckle at the back of the hood, eventually I managed to free it enough to push it up slightly with my knees, I didn't want to put my head that low as it was beginning to smell down there. With a small amount of vision I tried to find the remaining key which I eventually found under a towel which I had moved during my struggles. With the key in hand I relaxed and the contents of my bowel emptied into the diaper. I could feel the warmth of the banana against the cool or the peppermint condom. Kneeling forward to reduce the risk of choking I could feel the warm contents pushing towards the front of the diaper. I hadn't used a diaper except for peeing in before, well not since a baby and I don't remember that; it wasn't as unpleasant as I though it would be.

Once the hand cuffs were removed, leaving a series of bruises which were going to be difficult to explain I was finally able to remove the ball gag, I wasn't sure which gave the greatest relief finally getting rid of the banana or the ball gag.

After cleaning up and showering I have reached a conclusion regarding my experience, don't laugh at the misfortunes of others because natural justice will make you pay and stick to the 5 "P"; clearly I didn't and although I didn't piss my performance was crap .

Take care and play safe.